my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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