i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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