Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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