Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
