So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
