He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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