he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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