I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
