It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
