Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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