he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
