If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
