Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
