i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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