Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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