if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
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at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
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Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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