So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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