You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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