Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
