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Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
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