I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail