I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person