We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.