grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets