Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"