So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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