i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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