I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
