Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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