I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
