I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
