just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
