when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize