You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
