Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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