I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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