Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
