I wish I could punch you in the face.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
