I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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