The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
