dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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