I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
