I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
