You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
