Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
