Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
