I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
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When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
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Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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