Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
