this beer tastes like vomit already
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
