i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
