Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.