Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
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They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
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And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....