I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
