how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.