you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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