): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
