I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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