Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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