Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
