Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
