What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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