My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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