I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
