I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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