If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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